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Letter to Brian Bury Collins

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Title	Letter to Brian Bury Collins
Post Date	May 17, 1793
Author	Wesley, Sarah, 1759-1828
Recipient	Collins, Brian Bury, 1753 or 4-1799
Date	1793-05-17
Physical Description	4 pgs total; 3 pgs text; 1 pg address
Dimensions	24 x 38 cm
Location (Box, File)	Box 1, File 24
Address To	Bath
Country To	England
Address From	Mrs. Ford's at Clifton, Bristol
Country From	England
Transcriber	Wanda Smith
Transcription	To The Revd Mr Collins Bath Clifton, Bristol, May 17, 1793 Revd Sir It is long since I promised myself the pleasure of becoming your correspondent. The esteem which my beloved father cherished for you, your own character, the kind interest you were so good to take respecting my mother and our family, every recollection induces me to accost you (unworthy as I am of the privilege) as my friend also. Painful events have prevented me from addressing you before, and if I did not expect more spiritual advantage than even cordial satisfaction, I should not now encroach on your valuable time. I address you, sir, with a confidence I do not often feel, and though I am only known to you as the daughter and niece of men you respected, I am persuaded of your sympathy and request an interest in your prayers. It may be necessary to give some general account of myself: educated in a family distinguished for their piety, I had daily opportunities of beholding its happy effects. I honored the faith which produced them, but my situation in other points was exposed and my connections chiefly in the world. I can however retrace early impressions of divine grace operating on my mind, and some remarkable providences led me to devote myself in the first stages of youth to the God of my fathers. I thought it was sincerely. Alas! it was not steadily. The recollection of my ingratitude and backslidings which have been poignantly brought to my heart, fills it with confusion and sorrow. When I look up to the Almighty as the best of fathers, the tenderest of friends, the dying Saviour: when I recall my vows, my encouragements, and my transgressions, the bitterness of the review overwhelms me. Yet (such is the deceitfulness of the human heart), I dare not pronounce myself sincere, though I seem so. I know not whether part of my sorrow may not proceed from temporal fears and temporal disappointments, and all I can utter is, ''Search Thou me and try me, mark well if there be now lurking iniquity and lead me in the way everlasting.'' It seems that I acquiesce without repinings in not being permitted to follow the imaginations of my heart, that I can bless him for having hedged up my way with thorns and pierced my soul with sorrow. It seems, I say, for such has been the sad experience of my weakness that I no longer can confide in my resolves or ascertain the depth of my repentance. It is not the terrors of the Law but the comforts of the Gospel which fill me with remorse. What love I have slighted, what blessings have I trampled on, what privileges neglected! Yet, I never defied the divine power, never called the commandments grievous but, confident in my own strength, was left to prove its weakness and by little and little lost, or rather stifled, the convictions of grace. You, sir, must often have seen the distresses of a wounded spirit. I have long wished to apply to some spiritual guide, and some mental impressions lead me to address you. I wish not to say to my heart, ''Peace, when there is no peace.'' I wish not to fly to the world for consolation. Only the supreme God can impart it! I doubt not his mercy; it is exhaustless; but I think of my ingratitude; and it is aggravated! Assist me with your councils and with your prayers. I am dear [Sir] Your indebted friend S Wesley I am come into this part of the world for a few weeks and am with a lady you well know, Mrs Ford at Clifton. Please to direct to me here.
Digital Resource Type	Image
Digitization Date	Digitized: 2003
Digitization Process	Digitization process: Derivatives resized at 4037 pixels high or wide
Digital Publisher	Bridwell Library, Special Collections; Perkins School of Theology; Southern Methodist University
Rights	Permission to publish materials must be obtained from the Head of Special Collections of the Bridwell Library
Decade	1790-1799